Panties & Porkchops: I’m Twitter Crazy Like Amanda Bynes

Panties & Porkchops follows the life of Keri Lathan, a chick who doesn’t mind documenting her obsession with sexual taboos and the midnight snacking that ensues.

I haven’t really been into doing normal things like going to work and taking showers. I just feel like participating in such activities is a big waste of time and totally gets in the way of my tweeting. Well to be quite honest, I have kind of developed a new found Twitter obsession, and no I’m not talking about Bieber nation.

You know how T-Pain fell in love with a stripper? Well, I kind of fell in love with my follower. It seems like all I do is fall in and out of “love” these days, but what do you really expect for me to do? I’m single with no clear prospects, and I’m always flubbing around on the Internets. So that’s how I ended up discovering my new obsession. From what I can tell (from clicking through three months of tweets and snooping around his TwitPics, he’s a fellow Virgo who loves The-Dream who may or may not be unemployed. I mean, why wouldn’t you be intrigued with a guy like that?

I started retweeting his tweets about being drunk on a Tuesday, which led to @replies by him with that super awesome winkey smiley face, you guys know what I’m talking about. That emoticon people use when a smiley one is too lame, and the nerd face one is inappropriate. All of this computer love continued for about two weeks. After which I grew increasingly more restless.

How come we don’t interact outside of Twitter? How come he @replies every Tom, Dick, and Jane, and why does that bother me? I started to obsess. A LOT. I tore through his entire profile, clicked on every “in reply to babycakezz” link and investigated whoever else he was interacting with online. I started to post faux subliminal tweets talking about how guys don’t appreciate what’s in front of them, how I’m a 5 star you-know-what. You know, just letting the world know my feelings.

I basically turned into Amanda Bynes. Using Twitter as a tool to not only glorify a “relationship”, but to thrust it in the world’s face.

Pretty soon he started to notice my obsession, and after a while, I stopped getting replied to and after one week of this, he officially blocked me on Twitter.

I went through a bit of grief, and even contemplated making another account so that I can still see his tweets. I did eventually realize that’s lame and just plain crazy. I moved on, and eventually got a life. Even though that life really just involves me playing catch with my dog in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon.