Panties & Porkchops: Video Killed The Bedroom

Panties & Porkchops follows the life of Keri Lathan, a chick who doesn’t mind documenting her obsession with sexual taboos and the midnight snacking that ensues.

So I met this guy. Isn’t that how all these stories start? Well, really, I met this guy. I really dig him so of course things progressed very quickly. First comes the number exchange, then the awkward comments, and it eventually lead to sexting.

Sexting lead to actually physical contact and then all of a sudden there’s a video camera?! Yes, this guy decides to whip out his camera. After which he asks, this is okay right? The answer to that question ladies and gentlemen, is no. First of all, I know everyone leads their lives on the Internet now (I mean I’m blogging about this stuff right now aren’t I?) but I draw the line at reaching Kim Kardashian/Ray J status.

There are many reasons why the addition of a video camera is a bad idea. First of all, a picture may be worth a thousand words, but video lives on. Forever.  Here’s another BIG reason why I’m anti-video  in the bedroom, no matter how many times a person swears up and down that they won’t show it to anyone, it always ends up online somehow. Perhaps the best reason of all to say no to videotaping your sexual escapades? I tend to freeze up in front of the cameras. I mean, still photos are my forte, but video footage always makes me look like an orphan hungry for shelter. Not to mention that it’s very hard to angle your body so that it’s featured in some not-so-garish lighting. So yes, my main reason why I don’t want to be taped is founded upon my deep narcissism. Sue me.

So what happened to Francis Ford Coppola? It just didn’t work out. Apparently the video thing was a deal breaker. No problem buddy, I guess I’ll see you in cyberspace! (But you won’t see me, trust).