Fail Friday: Leash Babies

It’s Fail Friday and there’s no better way to start the weekend than by taking a look at this weeks epitome of fail with Allan Gungormez, a man fluent in sarcasm and a day to day observer of life lameness.
This is something that I’ve always found pretty bothersome, putting leashes on babies. If you have a baby and decided to not put it up for adoption, you’ve clearly signed up for the whole “im going to pay attention to this living creature” aspect of it all (also known as parenting). I feel like paying attention to your child should involve more than making sure you don’t release enough slack on the rope for the kid to wonder off.

If I go to Home Depot and get some rope and tie it around my kids neck and walk him around the mall, it’s going to cause a lot of disturbing looks and maybe even start an altercation with an overzealous soccer mom. But if I slap on a backpack looking device that has Dora the explorer, a turtle, or smiling monkey on it equipped with a leash, it’s totally ok.

Who knows, maybe the kid is crazy and needs to be on a leash.  When we see him or her they look calm and restrained and unable to go explore and learn like babies are supposed to. But perhaps once they are released they become this insane leg biting baby that can reek havoc on an entire mall in a matter of minutes. Maybe that wasn’t just drool coming out of his mouth because he was thirsty but rather a baby version of rabies. If thats the case then by all means, keep the kid on the leash and make sure to tell people not to feed it or make sudden movements.

Isn’t it sort of demeaning for the baby? I mean, if you found out one day that you were a leash baby wouldn’t you be pissed? I know that i’d be pretty upset. It’s like, what the fuck mom and dad you couldn’t just be like all the parents who can watch their kids and know when to step in? You didn’t develop the whole “focus on your child and not get distracted by shiny things” skill?

I say we start an underground movement to help babies be free and force parents to pay attention to their growing, learning, exploring children. We could dress as family friendly characters, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Barack Obama, or David Hasselhoff and go around cutting leashes. Hopefully, the semi-aware parent will realize there is no more tension on the rope and react appropriately. If not, we’ll have families unable to have babies waiting in a viewing booth rooting for the baby to find it’s way into a designated area where upon they will get to keep the baby and actually take care of it. I bet we could get that picked up by Fox.